Who won Paris Hilton’s best British Friend?

Who won? You'll not believe this...it wasn't what you saw on TV, that's a little too...well, sick? It's almost as bad as Jade Goody's death. Paris needed someone she could communicate with, love, and be on the same wavelength as, and, someone who would help her in times of need. Have I described a 'friend' there? Sorry, and love her (money) unconditionally.

Many tried, although the men were few as... well... she isn't beautiful. But it was between women anyway, so..is she, or is it me?

Paris went to a hospital on a visit, invited by the NHS managers who needed some publicity so that they could get more money from somewhere for the managers to truffle while the workers worked to hard, because there's no money for any help for them They still graft through fear.

The long and short of it is... she went into a lab, and had a look down a microscope, after someone described to her that a microscope was a posh magnifying glass, and that it was a hospital she was in, on the planet earth (but when someone told her that planet meant 'moving star'...that was it....mental crash team). She was revived, but.... down the microscope she made best friends with... a female amoeba (Y?). The amoeba is now rich and living in a petri dish with an agar which contains alcohol...it doesn't make Paris think, which is 'good for humanity?'... But, it wouldn't have looked good on telly, to be honest (it wasn't blonde)