Barack Obama's Cousin

by Frankie Lassut⁽⁵⁾
Franco

Reports have it that Barack Obama is a little disappointed in Britain, but only because his Irish cousin is fed up. Yes, Obama’s Irish cousin! You didn’t know that did you. He kept it quiet. I mean what president of the United States would admit to having an Irish cousin called Paddy Obama? The trouble is, that Paddy has never risen politically above the secretary of his local neighbourhood watch committee. But still, like George Bush, whos’ brother Cotton Pickin Jebulon is the head of all God’s Universe, and therefore useful when it came to bagging Florida, and several years of juicy bang bang (LOL). Paddy thought that Barack could help him become big, and then help him get funded to hunt the neighbourhood terrorist, Patrick McGinty Overladen Bin Man (they dont have green wheelies see)...who was always coming onto his estate and playing knock up ginger and knocking milk bottles over at 2am!... Insomniac chav who hates neighbourhood watch secretaries.

Paddy wanted to recreate the twin towers on the 33/4 (he was busy on the 32nd th ), and blame Patrick Mc Ginty overladen Bin Man, who would then flee and be hunted forever while he lived in luxury. There was nowhere local with twin towers though (just two tower blocks full of chavs, but they were protected by the law, with venom to spit at any working class bum who dared to speak back to them), and the nearest he could think was... he had no idea. That’s when he thought his powerful cousin could come over on Air Force One, and have an ask around.

Barack did (he came for the G20, and to kill 2 birds with one stone), and rang Paddy with the bad news.

Barack, Gordon Brown, and the cleaning lady could only find One single tower, at Blackpool. There would be no one in ‘off season’, and so no one would really be ‘pissed off’ as people jumped off the top, and anyway, the safety bars would stop that.

Also, the only plane that was available was the tourist 3 seater from Blackpool airport, and it was unlikely that that coughing heap would make an impression against the tower. Also, the pilot wasn’t a suicidal terrorist trained by Britain, he was from Lytham St Annes, and liked his job too much to trash the plane with two pensioners on board. He even refused hypnosis to train him for the day from a pro appearing at Butlins, just up the road. This still left the problem of the ‘two towers’, so the cleaning lady had the idea of announcing, over the radio, and in the Blackpool Times (free paper), a National ‘Especially in Blackpool’ day, where everyone goes cross eyed for 5 minutes at 2pm. That way, everyone in England would see two identical planes, crash into two towers, at precisely the same time. This could be made world news by announcing an International World Cross Eyed Day... time zones taken into consideration; red noses provided for even more ridiculous looks, and money raised for Charity child abuse funds. This wouldn’t of course matter in places like Mugabe ruled Africa, or in a rainforest tribes mud huts, where no one has a TV, but may be relevant in the luxury caravans of the de forestation teams, and in Mugabe’s Palace (LOL).

Ah. Too difficult. Forget it. Just have some boring, hero producing ‘Yawn’ wars.

Paddy, in panic at not being made local Mayor of Belfast, with a great expense account, even suggested having a model plane flown into the building, and then the tower professionally demolished to make it look like the model plane (one of those large ones of course) had dropped it perfectly. The only thing was, Blackpool Electrical Supplies didn’t have enough 3 core mains cable, and the firework shop had run out of bangers. And World Leaders hate copycats anyway.

If only eh?

Article submitted Friday, April 03, 2009 & read 62 times.

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