The Friend Zone- When is it more than "just friends?"

by Will Turner
Polycomical

The Friend Zone: When Do You Go From Friend To Girlfriend?

In the film Harry Met Sally, there is the theory that a man and a woman can’t be friends because “sex always gets in the way”. I would like to state here and now that I think this is utter bunkum.

I have got friends who happened to be girls, and there is no issue. I talk to them pretty much the same as I talk to guy friends, as many of them tend to share the same interests. Without wanting to sound preachy, I personally think people are people. There are people you like, people you don’t like and people who breeze in and out and have no real impact on your life.

However sometimes, the word “friend” can be abused. I’m not talking about a crude phrase with the word “buddy” in it (I can’t see that working). What I mean is “Just good friends”, effectively a one sided friendship in which one party strings along the other.

I had this at school, the one where you’re “someone you can talk to.” Not like other friends (male or female) who just talk to, they want to unload problems and don’t expect you to say or do anything back, even though usually they’re very aware of it.

I would say this happened a lot in high school. I like to think I was “non-threatening”, however I know in my heart this is not true. I did some dumb things, said some dumb things, wrote dumb things.

And now, about a decade on (God, it’s so depressing to think that, let alone write it) I find myself in a familiar situation- I want to ask a woman out who I’m currently friends with.

She’s a brilliant woman- a freelance film maker who’s been helping me out, doing a promotional film for my cartoon pilot. She is also one of few people who will willingly wear fox ears in public, doing karate poses as a stand in for a comic character.

It’s an awkward situation- on the one hand you don’t want to freak them out, but on the other you don’t want to “just be friends”. What complicates it is I’m a bad reader of signs- is she being friendly, or more than friendly? Is a peck on the cheek being nice or not?

Talking of friends, I’m getting a running commentary from a male friend. He wants to effectively arrange a couples meeting in an Italian restaurant in Norwich (not a chain place, a proper trattoria. I know this for a fact because I’ve been to a couple in Rome!) She’s interested in coming along, and was happy when I gave her flowers for her birthday.

I’m also nervous because I recently got a taste of my own medicine. For some unfathomable reason, I entered into a text/email relationship with a young girl from North London. It was a poor decision on my part and I caught myself stringing someone along.

I had to do something I really hope never to do again (but probably will). I had to tell her this relationship couldn’t carry on, I didn’t honestly love this girl. And it broke her heart. What resulted was a Facebook message so harsh, this girl’s sister replied saying “Pull yourself together, girl!” I still sometimes get texts from her. One day I hope she’ll take the hint, but like me it’ll probably take a few years.

What I’m hoping is I’m now officially at square one, I am now karma neutral. Whether we stay good friends or we make the next step up and get a relationship going, this much I do know- I want this woman in my life, one way or the other.

Article submitted Saturday, August 29, 2009 & read 24 times.

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