Online Dating; The Fishing Expedition

The bait is cast!  Finally you’ve gone fishin.  It’s a sunny day without a cloud in sight.  What a great mood you find yourself in.   Feeling generally confident and optimistic about the whole fishing expedition, you feel little tugs of uncertainty deep down.  “Will I catch a fish and if so what kind?  Will I know what to do with one after I reel it in?    Will I know which ones to keep?” you ask yourself.   Having come prepared with bait that is a sure catch, you sit back, put your feet up and wait.  

Having cast the bait yesterday, you think to yourself, it’s unlikely that you would have caught any fish.  From the room next door you hear the sound of an email that has come in.  Is it a tug on the line, you wonder?  Surely it is not, not this early.  After clicking on”Check Mail” you feel a rush of adrenaline as the screen opens and there you have 5 emails from fish.  Not just 1 fish but a whole school of them!  Being from Maine, where you grew up eating lobster, you decide to click on “One Hot Lobster”.  As you read his sexually suggestive message, you can just imagine the butter melting all over this hot lobster.  Whoa, you think, this one is too hot for me!   Easy toss, back into the big drink, you think.  You click on the next one, “Cool Joe Blue Eyes” who wants to meet for a drink after his long day at the funeral home where he works as an “embalmer”.  He hopes that you will not mind the smell of formaldehyde.  From hot to cold and smelling like formaldehyde.  Another one for the drink!

The first week, there seems to be no end to the emails.  So many fish, so little time, you think.  You are on cloud 9.  Never did you imagine that the bait you cast would bring in such a boatload of fish.  How do I get to them all before they break away from the line?  How do I figure out which ones are the keepers?  They are all starting to blend in.  Was “Sportin Howie” the blue fish with the yellow scales or the yellow fish with the red scales?   Was he the one that knew my “Aunt Milly” or was it “Rich- Ritchie”? 

After a long, grueling day of work, 2 weeks after casting the bait, you drive home, remembering the email which has now progressed to phone conversations.  There are 7 fish that remain on the line while being so carefully juggled.   The new catch has dwindled to about 1-2 new fish per day.  Although exciting, you are beginnging to realize how exhausting this whole fishing expedition is.  It’s like having another full time job, you think.   Being tired from working all day, you find the communication a bit forced as your enthusiasm is winding down for the day.  It really is work!

As you are driving to work in the morning you find yourself beginning to fantasize about each fish, 2 or 3 in particular.   The in-depth telephone and email conversations have you feeling that you  know these fish quite well.  You find that your fantasy life surrounding these fish is becoming richer each time your mind reverts back to thoughts of them.  The thoughts become more frequent and you are now worried that this is becoming an obsession.  The telephone conversations, emails, pictures, voices and background information all come together to form an image in your head of each fish.   The image is so strong that you feel certain that the image will match quite closely with the real live fish, up close and personal.  The image becomes more pleasing with each passing fantasy.  You can’t wait to finally meet all the fish!  They all feel like soul mates.  How will I ever choose between them, you think?

 You are having difficulty getting through the workday.  Your focus is not on work.  You finally get through the day.  It’s 5pm.  Your office-mates are going out after work to celebrate the promotion of a long time employee.  You don’t even consider the possibility. You have plans. You have your own little party just waiting for you at home.

You scarf down your dinner and head straight towards the computer where you find yourself spending the rest of the evening, sharing your time between the computer and the phone.  Talking to this one, emailing to that one.  You begin to think that this is becoming mere chatter.  You find yourself getting frustrated.  Why is it that no one seems to want to graduate from email and the phone.  When are they going to suggest that we meet?  Surely their not waiting for me to make the suggestion!  The subject finally comes up with Jim, my star fantasy.  I just knew he was feeling something too!

Jim seems evasive about setting a date, time and place.  He tells me that he needs to look at his calendar and he will get back to me.  Suddenly my thoughts turn towards the competition.  I hadn’t thought about this before.  All I thought about was me, embarking on this journey out at sea.  Suddenly I realize that I am not the only one that’s gone fishing.   While I am fishing for them, they are fishing for me and others like me.  Could they too be juggling 7 at once?  Is it possible that I rank 7th among the other possibilities, or maybe 5th, surely not 1st, otherwise I would imagine that I would have met 1 by now.  Could it be that while I am exhausting myself with my nightly computer parties, so are they?

Suddenly I realize what a little fish I am swallowed up in the big drink, made up of many fish, large and small.  How could it ever be possible that another little fish could find me and forsake all the others with their beautiful scales, each being more beautiful than the next?  This isn’t going to be so easy after all. 

Suddenly the sky has turned cloudy.  The mood is sullen.  The confidence and optimism have been replaced with complete uncertainty.  What does a little fish, fishing do when the fish it is fishing for is fishing too?  The question is at what point does a fish cut bait and call it a day?  What are the chances that a special fish would choose to forsake all others, cut bait and swim with me?