Is It Better to Have Loved and Lost?
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After a breakup one can predict with almost complete certainty that they will hear during the course of their recovery at least once, the saying, “it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”. I have never been able to understand the truth behind this. I do realize that sometimes at a very young age when we are first learning about the world and our emotions that it takes the loss of a love to recognize what love is. That is the only circumstance that I have been able to fit this philosophy into my life. I guess I have always been a "til death do us part" kind of girl and have difficulty letting go of a love that has been "true".
Possibly it depends on what side of the tree you are standing on when the relationship is all over. Surely, if you are the one standing on the sunny side of the tree, it is easy to think that a person could agree with the better loved than lost statement. What appears sunny though, usually isn’t. It usually means a guilt ridden person, having ended a relationship with someone who is really “nice” but nice for someone else, or, it means that they are overcome with relief because after weeks or months of mourning the loss of the relationship it’s finally over and their ready to move on.
The one left standing in the shade often lives in denial for quite awhile before they even recognize that they have lost their love. By the time the realization of their loss occurs, they would rather have been hit by a train than have to remember the love they once shared or the person that they shared it with. Let’s face it, regardless of which side of the tree you are left standing on when it is over, it’s over. When the love is gone, the current state of being makes it hard to remember or appreciate the “love” that once existed. The “love” we appreciate is the one we feel in the present. One can never anticipate the various forms of emotion that love can take on.
Reliving old memories filled with yesterday’s “love” does nothing for today unless you are still with the person and building memories. To tell someone that it is better to have loved and lost is like telling someone who can no longer have orgasms, possibly due to medication or surgery that they were lucky to have had them in the first place because some people have never been able to have one. Personally I would rather have never known the joy of being in love or the ecstasy of having an orgasm than to lose either of these life’s pleasures. One can’t know or long for something in which they have never experienced.
The loss of a true love remains forever branded on the heart regardless of the amount of years that have past. The pain of the loss fades and the memories are bittersweet. Attached to the memories of the love that was shared is usually the painful reminder of the failure of the relationship. The person that ended the relationship forever hopes that the hurt they caused was not too deep. The one that was left standing as the other walked away often continues to long for the other and is unable to make logical sense out of the rejection.
Coping with the loss of love is one thing but the matter becomes more complicated when we consider that the person we have loved still walks around with no desire for us regardless of how we might feel or how intense the relationship might have been at one time. As life marches on, the memories only serve to teach us what it is that we can do to prevent the same kind of hurt again.
The more we have loved and lost, the better we become at staving off in the present the pain that wounded us so deeply in the past.. The more we have loved and lost the thicker our walls and defenses, making the possibility of new love less likely. As the possibility for new love fades behind our wall of defenses the more bittersweet the memories of our love from days gone by become.
When having lost a love through death, the memories of the love remain forever pure and untarnished. There is the sadness of losing the one we loved to death but we never lose our love through death. Our love forever remains and the memories we hold serve to keep that love alive in our hearts long after the person has physically left us. We cherish the memories of love until it is our time to leave this earth.
Because our love never really left us, the gift of an open heart was imparted when they died, making us free to love once again, knowing the sweetness and beauty of a love that really never ends. How rare this sweet and beautiful love.
This is the love I long for. "True" love lasts. It is not something that is found every 2 years only to be lost so the next one can be found. That is the adult version of "play". I have grown up. I don't want to play. How does one find sincerity and a love that lasts, "til death do us part"? Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? I suppose it depends on what you were looking for in the first place. If you were looking to really "love" then the answer is no.
Article submitted Sunday, October 04, 2009 & read 62 times.
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