Like Any Abusive Relationship, You’ve Got To Get Out of It As Fast As You Can.

I’ve had enough. I never thought all those years ago it’d turn out like this. At what point are you supposed to give up on something? Something that untill now you’ve had to contend with despite the countless number of times you’ve suffered violation and abuse at their hands. How long are you supposed to wait untill you finally stand up and say “Hang on a minuite……NO!”

How long untill you say no to all the tantrums and shun the animosity they throw at you and quit them for good? I’m at a point now where I’ve given up, and feel fine dishing out such unfettered vitriol.

I’m more than aware that all relationships rely on a certain level of compromise from both parties. But she’s never wanted to meet me half way. And now, I’ve got nothing left to give.

Don’t worry though. I’m well over it. I’ve left her for good and I’m glad about that.  So… I suppose I best tell you her name. It’s Windows. You might have seen her about? She’s the really fragile looking one who constantly looks like she’s on the verge of breaking down? Yeah that’s her.

My relationship with Windows is officially over. We’re getting a divorce if you will. And to be honest, I can’t tell you how happy I am about that. It’s just a shame that we didn’t agree a pre nuptial agreement from the start. God know’s I’d like at least half of the money I’ve spent on her. Not to mention damages for the emotional scar she’s left me with.

Love's a loosing game with windows.

What can I say. I was young and naive when I first got involved with Windows. I was at an age when I was easily impressed. I swallowed her charm and swagger like a Brown Bear catching salmon. She painted pictures of an easy life. A life where she’d support me all the way through, prove to be reliable, and most importantly never let me down whatever the circumstances.

Alas, It was all lies. Several things have made me feel such resentment towards her. Like last summer, when she lost my work even though I told her to keep it safe and all the times she decided to shut down on me, and leave me stranded and alone. But more than anything it was her inability to do the simplest of tasks that was the straw that broke the camels already frail back.

She’s also become incredibly slow and rebellious about everything I ask of her. The truth is, I never loved her. My relationship with her was an arranged marriage. Everyone else seemed to love her and yeah, I trusted their opinion. She looked nice enough, she seemed interested in me and deep down she had many fine and admirable qualities. I first fell for her, when I used ‘Paint’ in Year 3.

Everyone thought she was a catch. Man, I mean even I did. She’s got some great features.But as they say, never judge a book by its cover, nothing was ever simple with her. I mean admittedly when I first saw ‘Word’ I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.  And don’t even get me started on Excel and Powerpoint…I was like a Dog on heat. But after a few years I realised I hadn’t died and gone to heaven. No, I realised I’d actually died and gone to hell.

Everywhere I went, she was there. School. Home. Work. University. We were a mismatch from the start. She always made things more complicated than they needed to be. And now it’s over.

But all is not lost. I’m seeing someone new at the moment. I don’t think windows is to happy about it though. They know each other from way back. She’s called Apple. I saw her across a crowded dance floor, she had people all over her. Who can blame them, she’s got a great body. She looks fantastic and I was immediately smitten. I walked over and we got chatting and well, I liked the cut of her jib. She quoted me a lyric from that great contemporary artist Nelly Fertado, and seductively whispered “I know what you want, and I’ve got what you need”. I was sold.

Not just a pretty face.

I have to admit we had a liason that night. She was incredible in the sack, I’ll not lie to you.She did things I didn’t even think were possible. She was wild. But more than that, she made my day-to-day life easier and all together less complicated. And as for Final Cut Pro and her application start-up speeds, well, it’s enough to capture the attention of any man. I’m not ashamed to say, I felt tiny in her arms.

She’s dependable, fast, intuitive, aesthetically pleasing and like a high-end escort a little pricy. But you pay for what you get…and I’ve no intention of going back to that two-bit slapper.

Sure, I’ll occasionally go back  for a bit of familiar sex. And until the divorce is through, I might even entertain the thought of letting her stay a while. At least until we settle up our financial matters. She still, like a fool, thinks we can sort it out. But we can’t. It’s over and I’m out of love for her now. She’s finally woken up and smelt that oh so delicious coffee.

So with the new range of MacbookPro’s rumoured to be unveiled in the next few months, I still hold hope that I can be happy. God know’s I need it after enduring such a tumultuous relationship. So..If you see her, my advice would be to steer well clear. She put’s it about a bit, she’s ridden with virus’s and she’ll leave you hollow and empty inside.