Non Celeb News

When you write a book, the publisher has to register it with what's called an ISBN number. It is a computer number, usually shown as a scannable bar code, which when computer scanned gives all the details about the book. It is then registered through a company, and then the details sent to the British Libraries HQ. They then pass the news around, and the author or the publisher then receives a request to send sev eral copies to select libraries around the UK. So, you do, or they send you Guantanamo bay for not being civilly obedient. This, dependent on your style, can be a great gift, as you can then write about your ordeal there, as long as you can retain your memory as they wash it, and surfboard you several times etc... and then you can send the finished article to the Guantanamo bay library, to be enjoyed by the inmates over the years. If you manage to get one in the Whitehouse library, they will only read it if it's funny, as they know what goes on there; they have all the DVDs.  Actually, as funny as that sounds, that isn't what I was trying to say, except that I was considering trying to send a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz to Guantanamo and try and inspire one of the inmates to encourage the introduction of some tits there....which, if properly used, would be far worse torture than surfboarding, as they turn man against man. NO, one of the books I recently registered is about Grant, an amateur agony columnist, from a very dysfunctional family. Its full of delicious weirdness and incest etc.... two of the libraries turn out to be the ones at Oxford and Cambridge Universities. I wonder if I can curl the moustache of a future Prime Minister...and maybe even blow the computer on Professor Hawkins's 3 litre wheelchair. Sweet!  It's called Unoriginal Sin.... but it isn't as bad as the Tentacles of Common Sense, which they have too. I may become a little cult (CULT).