The Most Important Key To A Successful Relationship – Communication

by Jim Anderson
Weddings That Last

The most critical relationship skill you have is your ability to communicate. Research has shown that poor communication in a relationship is a key factor in the failure of that relationship. It is also found that the happiest married couples are the best at communication. Good communication increases marriage satisfaction more than any other factor.

How you talk to your mate will determine how happy they are in the relationship. Talking to your spouse is not about just a monologue, it includes listening. Spouses who feel understood by their partners will have a much easier time expressing their true feelings. Good communication requires active listening, which means you must be able to repeat back to your spouse what was said in your own words and get agreement.

When we talk about communication, it is more than just talking. It is actually much more complex than that. There are people who get entire graduate degrees studying communication. Communication is the entire process of imparting, or making known, a meaning of some kind to the other person. We primarily focus on using language to do that, however, the way we say it and the non-verbal cues contribute to the meaning of the words significantly. It is the meaning behind what is said that really counts. If your spouse says to you, “I can’t believe you bought me such a nice gift”, did the way they say it sound like a child’s squeal of delight, or like a wife’s angry message to her husband?

You also can communicate a lot with silence. Giving someone the silent treatment can be interpreted as a punishment, and an act of anger. Not answering a question, or simply not speaking in a social situation where speaking is usually expected can communicate a meaning to the other person. Sometimes silence can be awkward and communicate a state of discomfort or disconnection. Whether you like it or not, you are always communicating. These days even the time it takes you to respond to an email or a text can communicate something. Do you respond immediately, or does it take you a day or so?

In any case, communication is a key when it comes to building intimacy. We must be able to share our thoughts and feelings effectively. As you grow closer, good communication becomes even more critical. When you get serious with someone in a romantic relationship, there is an increased expectation that this person would have greater interest in what you say and speak to you with greater sensitivity than other people. The outcome of discussions you have with your partner will largely be determined by your communication skills.

The challenges we face in our relationships, and keeping our partners happy, are largely determined by our communication skills. The biggest complaint in intimate relationships is that the other person doesn’t share their feelings more willingly. A strong second is having difficulty asking your partner for what you want. Other problems are not feeling that your partner understands how you feel; that your partner won’t discuss issues, and your partner makes comments that put you down.

When a couple has been together for a while, they begin to make assumptions. Many couples fall into a pattern of thinking that they know each other. They stop asking questions. They fail to realize that people change and they may be making a false assumption about them. This can lead to a decline in good communication patterns in your relationship. Early in relationships we tend to look for the positives in each other and overlook the negative qualities. But as time passes, we begin to acknowledge the negative qualities. If we begin to focus on the negative qualities, we start to make negative “put down” comments. This creates problems. So an important step to take to avoid this is to focus on good qualities and praise your partner for those things often. Try to give your partner compliments every day.

Another important step to take to improve good communication is to make sure you listen and not judge the other person. After listening to what they say, tell your partner what you heard before you respond. Try to suspend an emotional reaction until you are sure you understood them correctly. Another aspect to this is being able to be assertive in the right way in your communication. When an “I” statement is used instead of a “you” statement blame is taken out of the statement and the recipient of the statement is less likely to get defensive.

Of all the things you can do to make your relationship better, these kinds of things will have the greatest impact because communication is the most important skill you need to make your partner happy with your relationship.

Article submitted Monday, April 18, 2011 & read 81 times.

Jim is a personal financial authority and author, an ordained minister, and an independent music artist. He has a Bachelor of Business in Finance, and a Masters of Religious Studies, graduating with honors. Jim has built multiple businesses since 1990. He now owns a financial services business and does premarital counseling and customized wedding ceremonies. For more information see his website www.weddingsthatlast.com

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