Dealing With Infidelity In Marriage For Both Spouses

by Todd Hill
http://www.MarriageAndInfidelitySecrets.com

Dealing with infidelity in marriage is always difficult for both the betrayed and the cheating spouses. What both partners can use are a few techniques for coping. Infidelity affects each individual differently because the cheating spouse’s affair threw the couple into direct confrontation with each other, from virtually exact opposite positions. So, each requires a different approach to manage their particular needs for handling and healing their respective circumstances.

Included here are some ideas that each spouse can use to assist each of them in dealing with infidelity in marriage.

For betrayed spouses:

You need to understand that the feelings and thoughts you are having are normal for your circumstances. However, you must understand that you shouldn’t blame yourself for your partner’s actions. What they have done is not your fault, regardless of what you may have done prior to them having an affair.

You need to get your emotions under control. By staying attached to your feelings is causing you to stay in an irrational state of mind. Reliving the pain of the betrayal doesn’t accomplish anything positive and only keeps you bogged down in self pity and depression.

You need to center you attention on positive, constructive thoughts and deliberately push negative, hurtful thoughts out of your mind. Don’t dwell on what has happened, instead concentrate on what you’re going to do about it.

If you find it difficult, or impossible to achieve an optimistic attitude, you might want to consider a change in environment. Separating from your partner doesn’t mean you’re giving up on your marriage. Take some time and surround yourself with people and events that will allow you to change your outlook to be more encouraging.

Until you get your mental state under control, you’re in no position to make life decisions that will affect your future. Once you get yourself into a rational and logical frame of mind you’ll be ready to get on with your life.

For cheating spouses:

You know how and why you were unfaithful to your spouse. If you were unhappy with your marriage and you wanted to end it, now is a good time to start moving in that direction. If your spouse is still emotionally charged from finding out about your infidelity, it would be a good idea to wait until they regain their composure before breaking the news to them that you want a divorce. It will make the situation easier on both of you if your spouse can deal with it rationally rather than emotionally.

If you honestly feel that you made a mistake, believe you won’t do it again and want to make things right by your spouse, then you need to resign yourself to the fact that you’re going to have to work extremely hard for forgiveness.

You will need to sincerely apologize to your partner and admit your mistakes. Don’t make excuses; don’t place any of the blame on them, even if you feel something they did justified your behavior. Realize that there is never a valid reason for someone to cheat on their spouse, regardless of their circumstances.

You need to tell your spouse that you want to be with them and you’re willing to do whatever they need you to do to prove it. Expect to pay a heavy price for forgiveness. You broke a sacred bond between you and your spouse and the demands on you will be difficult. Forgiveness and trust won’t come easy.

Be patient with your partner and work out what they need with optimism and understanding.

If you can do these things then you’re well on the road to recovery.

Dealing with infidelity in marriage for both betrayed and cheating spouses is difficult. Each has to do their part to recover from what has happen. By following these simple ideas you should have less difficulty in coping. Infidelity is a tragedy that destroys many marriages. Keep in mind, recovery from this single act requires work and cooperation from both partners. You can’t fix a marriage unless both spouses are willing.

Todd Hill and Phyllis Stein-Hill are marriage counselors extraordinaire. For more great information on dealing with infidelity, visit their website http://www.MarriageAndInfidelitySecrets.comand subscribe to their FREE email mini course, “TEN KEY SECRETS OF INFIDELITY AND YOUR MARRIAGE”. Also, get Todd and Phyllis’s latest eBook “Surviving an Unfaithful Spouse”for even more valuable information.

Article submitted Wednesday, April 20, 2011 & read 75 times.

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