Infidelity Warning Signs

by Steven Cohn
Portland Couples Counseling Center

Some infidelity warning signs are more obvious than others. Who wouldn't be concerned by seeing hotel room charges on the credit card statement, a spouse consistently stepping out of the room to take personal phone calls, or a rash of staying late at the office?

There are more subtle infidelity warning signs that you should consider. None of which offer proof that your spouse is having an affair, but several of which are worth raising the caution flag:

Either an increase or a decrease in sexual interest at home. Some people are surprised by the increase warning, but the excitement of an affair can cause a spouse to become especially sexually focused.
The sudden absence of romantic offers such as cards, candle lit dinners, or even just holding hands during a walk.
Money missing from bank accounts or charges showing up on credit cards with no reasonable explanation.
Late night computer chats that seem to be secretive in nature.
A sudden change in clothing and/or hair style. This would include a sudden interest in weight loss or a change in hair color.
Excess time spent at the office or frequent and multiple trips away from the house without reasonable explanation.
A loss of interest in family activities and/or a loss of interest in spending time with friends.
When confronted about excessive conversations with a particular person, your spouse says "we're just friends."

For some it would be reassuring if there were infidelity warning signs you could uncover prior to getting married. One possible indicator could be a history of past infidelity. A starting place is to consider a prospective partner's history of infidelity. This, of course, is not evidence that a future spouse will be unfaithful, especially since many unfaithful partners learned painful lessons from affairs and therefore wouldn't want to repeat the agony. Multiple affairs and a lack of emotional awareness would be another story entirely. Keep in mind that too often a tiger doesn't change its stripes.

Someday couples may require a future spouse to take a genetic test to determine if they are pre-wired for a high likelihood of infidelity. Scientists are already beginning to look at specific genes that determine a person's inclination toward either monogamy or infidelity.

For now it's not too likely that you will be subjecting your spouse-to-be to a battery of genetic tests. Another relational dynamic to pay attention to then would be communications and sexual satisfaction prior to marriage. There are studies that suggest that prior to marriage sexually dissatisfied men and non-communicative women were possible contenders for affairs. On the flip side, having a strong founding in a religious faith tends to lend itself to monogamy.

If you are concerned about an affair, it's important not to put your spouse under the hot lights of an interrogation. Just because you are suspicious doesn’t mean your partner is absolutely having an affair. It might mean that you and your spouse could benefit from couples counseling. A counselor can offer a safe environment in which to raise your questions and doubts.

For more information, please visit: http://www.marriage-and-relationship-counseling.com/marriage-counselor.html

And for information about how to choose a marriage counselor, please go to: http://www.marriage-and-relationship-counseling.com/marriage-counselors.html

Article submitted Tuesday, May 03, 2011 & read 454 times.

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