Icepop Blogging Community
Sign in to join Bruce Horst's fan club.
Birthday Anniversaries with Dad
WryteStuff
When I was around 8 years old, my dad realized that he didn't see me as often as he did my siblings when they were my age. He had worked his way up in life to be a highly-regarded leader. He spent many evenings at church participating in church board meetings or in his workshop building things for other people.
I don't remember if it was my mom's idea or my dad's idea, but when I was in the second grade of elementary school my dad decided to take me out to dinner on the second Tuesday of each month. The purpose was for us to have direct one-on-one time together. I only remember a total of 3 different restaurants we ever went to, and all of them were fast food restaurants. One of them was in the next town over from us, so it was a sacrifice to go there, and my dad agreed to this only because it was where I wanted to go. I had my heart set on going to Burger Chef and my dad wanted to do whatever made me happy on my special night. This arrangement only lasted about a year, and I only remember one piece of advice my dad ever gave me during these nights out, and it was terrible advice! Still, these dinners have had a huge impact on me, and I'll always be grateful for them.
They had so great of an impact that when my first son started the second grade I decided to take him out to dinner on his 'birthday anniversary.' Zach was born on October 1st, so I've gone out to dinner with Zach pretty much every October 1st for the past 13 years. My second son AJ's birthday is the 17th of April, so I've taken him out to dinner on the 17th of pretty much every month for the past 10 years.
These evenings have been pure gold as a father. Early on, the conversations were about who to play with at recess. Eventually the conversations turned to junior high school, then girls, then driving, then college. Some nights I'd come home after one of these dinners and pretend that everything was just fine, then when Jean and I got to be alone I'd scream, "ahhhh!" and tell her about the latest conversation. (Of course, there are somethings that should only be shared among men!)
It's very rewarding for me when I look back on these conversations and see how they've shaped my boys' worldviews and their college and careers choices.
Every time I'd take either of my boys out to dinner, I'd make sure to tell them three things: I think they're doing well, I love them, and I'm proud of them. In an indirect way I'd make sure they knew I approved of them. This was more than my dad did for me, but he started it, and I just improved on it.
My youngest son, Nick, is different. I spend more time with him day-to-day so we don't have as much time where we focus on specific communication. I realize that as our communication is less done on purpose, this is generally the same scenario as it was between my dad and myself as his youngest child.
This year is the first year where I have any of my sons living in a different cities. I've tried to get together with Zach on the first of every month since he's been gone, but this month I regret that it didn't happen. AJ will be leaving for college this Fall, and he's going too far away for me to be able to visit him on the seventeenth of each month. Trying to be the best dad I can be, I want to give my sons the freedom and independence they need as adults. I also don't want to lose the ability to sit down and have great conversations with them.
This monthly dinner thing has been a great gift my father gave to me, and I'll treasure it forever.
Article submitted Monday, June 13, 2011 & read 5663 times.
Bruce Horst loves all his jobs, working with incredibly talented people.
Leave your comments through Ice Pop:
» left by Christofer French from Denver (331 days 5 hours ago.)
Warm style. Real feelings came welling up, as I read what you shared. It is great when you look over these meaningful times and how the memory of them never disappears. Thanks for your article. It makes me realize that those things that I might minimize as a father may be more meaningful to my kids than I realize.Respond to this comment
» left by Anonymous (330 days 23 hours ago.)We appreciate your comments!
We are only with our kids for a while and its good to make the most of these precious moments.Respond to this comment
2-0-0-0-2-ADSO
Copyright © 2012 IcoLogic, Inc.