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Coming to Terms With Dating Conflict - Learn to Handle the Bad Times to Get Through to the Good
by Lucy OBrien
How often does dating go the way you want it to? How long before the cracks start to appear in your cosy new relationship? When you find yourself in conflict with the new man in your life early on, things can quickly start to go wrong. This is part of the dating process and you need to learn to handle it. But instead of staying cool and alert and paying attention to our intuition, we women often dig our heels in, and try desperately to hang on to the relationship at any cost, despite our worries and frustrations. If you find that dating regularly turns into emotional turmoil which normally leads to the end of your new relationship then this article is for you.
If dating usually ends in a huge emotional confrontation then you are actually not so unusual. Many women find it hard to control their frustrations and emotions with men during the dating process. Let's face it, problems are always going to arise when two people start getting to know each other. In the beginning we put so much into it because we want so much to please. But as time moves on we start looking at what we are getting back, and it doesn't always seem to be as much as we have been giving.
For many a woman, her haste to get from dating to the "real relationship", and the premature expectations which go alongside this, puts her judgement out of balance and leads her to make bad decisions about how to react when problems arise. Rather than sitting back to see what a man is prepared to give, she is constantly pushing him for more. This leads to him feeling pressured to give more than he wants to and he may get angry or withdraw. This then triggers her worst fears that the relationship is falling apart and causes her to react over-emotionally which of course makes things worse.
In these situations, both partners end up feeling unappreciated and the gap between them gets wider until the relationship splits apart. This is a common pattern but many women are unaware that they play a part in this. Instead, they choose to blame men rather than take responsibility for themselves as a contributor to the problem. If you've been the common factor in many failed relationships, then you may want to consider this further. It was certainly a turning point for me when I realised this.
So how do we stop the small disagreements from turning into major emotional conflicts which rip our relationships apart? Well, we learn to handle our reactions. We look at our triggers - the things that cause us to react badly and can send us spiraling out of control. Most of us are subject to repeating patterns in relationships so these usually aren't too hard to find when we start to look back. A common example is where a man pulls away and a woman just cannot handle it.
We learn the common dating patterns and why and where these trip us up, and then we look at ways to overcome our bad reactions to these situations when they arise. Armed with this information, we are much more likely to succeed. We learn from our mistakes and we become aware so that we know what to do and what not to do in the future. We see the difference that small changes can make so that we are empowered not only to attract a man but to draw him in close so that he wants to become a permanent fixture in our lives. When we do this right, we no longer have to push for what we want because he will give it willingly and unconditionally.
When we realise that it is not the small things that break our relationships but simply the bad ways that we react to them, we can be less prone to our fear of loss sending us spiraling out of control. We will learn that when we can stay patient, we can handle the conflicts that arise during dating. The relationship not only gets through the turmoil but comes out of the other side stronger and closer than before. There will always be some level of conflict when you meet a new man. How long will you continue to let it blow your relationships apart?
To succeed at dating and find a strong, loving relationship, you need to understand what really makes a man feel good. There is a certain type of woman that a man is irresistibly attracted to. She knows how to captivate him and communicate with him to draw him close and get him to respond in the ways that she wants. You can learn to be the type of woman that men adore and never want to leave. For more information on how to succeed at dating please feel free to visit my website.
Article submitted Friday, October 14, 2011 & read 16 times.
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