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British Sports Commentator Hilariously Adds Color Commentary to Everyday Life

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The best sports commentators can boost the tension and competition of the fiercest sports rivalries to previously unknown heights of ecstasy. The moments they mark in their own style become cultural landmarks. Think of Al Michaels’ “Do you believe in miracles?” from the 1980 Winter Olympics. Or Vin Scully’s “Gets through Buckner!” during the 1986 World Series. One more? How about way back to 1951 with Russ Hodges’ “The Giants win the pennant!”

What would Michaels, Scully, and Hodges do today, in a world without sports thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic gripping the planet? We could all use some previously unknown height of competitive ecstasy right now — but where to find it?

The absence of professional and amateur competitive sports thanks to social distancing best practices and the dictates of governments far and wide has sidelined sports commentators. Most of them, anyway.

Color Commentary in a COVID-19 World

Rugby announcer Nick Heath is determined to keep his commentating voice in good shape even in the absence of sports by commentating on the mundane around him. Suddenly, it’s not mundane in the least. Using the hashtag #LifeCommentary, Heath’s Twitter posts are getting a lot of attention.

Heath told the New York Times why he thinks people are loving his #LifeCommentary posts:

He said he thought people might be drawn to his work because “it’s scratching that itch and being some kind of placebo for the sport they are missing.”

No word on whether Heath plans to narrate the scratching of an itch, but here are a few examples of Heath’s #LifeCommentary videos.

Backyard Football (Soccer?)

Ever fantasized about your backyard game of football, hockey or basketball being broadcast for thousands if not millions of adoring fans? For these two socially distant footballers, that dream has come true.

The Eight-Person Derby

Are you someone who can find competition anywhere? Heath clearly is. I wonder what these four strolling stroller-pushers think about over 324,000 people having watched them walk this walk. (Also, are they all six feet apart?)

Race-Walking

Heath’s most oft-watched tweet — seen by over 500,000 people — follows pedestrians merely crossing the street. That video was posted March 17, 2020. Pedestrian traffic is probably a lot lighter today, but that’s a different story.

Heath has narrated and posted more videos, including two dogs (dubbed “Vanilla” and “Chocolate”) racing in the park and the 2020 Find A Bargain Steeplechase (a slow-moving event held when supermarkets were still open to shoppers). Ah, the innocence of amateur athletics without a doping scandal.

Who knows what Heath was thinking when he started narrating the mundanities of the COVID-19 world, but he took to Twitter to share a bit of what he’s thinking now that hundreds of thousands of people have found so much joy — or at least distraction — from his posts.

“A big hello to all you loving the #LifeCommentary silliness,” he wrote. “Pretty blown away by the love but so glad it’s providing suitable levity during such a weird time.”

Here’s hoping Heath keeps up his good work. Will Vegas pay attention? What odds can one get on the next Find A Bargain Steeplechase, do you think?

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