Do you follow comic book writer, novelist, screenwriter and blogger Chuck Wendig on Twitter? Over 175,000 people do follow this prolific tweeter with over 320,000 tweets to his name. If you don’t know him from Twitter, you may know him from his blog, Terribleminds, or may know him as the author of the best-selling Star Wars novel Aftermath. If comics are more your genre, he has written for Dark Circle Comics, VS Comics, Dynamite Entertainment, and Marvel. As if all that weren’t enough, before he was an author, he was a gamer — he was a freelance RPG writer who contributed to games like Hunter: The Vigil.
What’s the point? Wendig is a creative force. “Force” isn’t strong enough — powerhouse? dynamo? In this age of COVID-19 self-isolating and social distancing, Wendig’s already fearsome imagination is running amok — in the general direction of Doritos. Yes, Doritos.
Where Did The Name “Doritos” Come From?
Ever been gripped by a random question? (Like, how did people actually decide or discover that they could eat eggs?) Wendig’s curiosity was captured by a much more significant question than that. Ready for it? Once you hear it, you won’t be able to get it out of your head. Wendig sure couldn’t.
Where did Doritos’ name come from?
You know Doritos. The classic munchies-satisfying snack introduced in original toasted corn flavor in 1966, quickly followed in 1967 by taco flavor, and by nacho cheese flavor in 1972. The 1980s brought endless specialty flavors to the party too. But back the question at hand — where did the name “Doritos” come from? Dissatisfied with Google’s answer, Wendig cast the question out to Twitter, then set his mind to investigating the issue on the top everyone’s mind — well, it is NOW!
I, like you and any other human, has definitely enjoyed the ZESTY NACHO TANG of Doritos corn chips from time to time, as well as their alternate flavors like Cool Ranch, Sweet Chili, Spicy Meatball, Hot Tire, and Fresh-Cut Grass. But then I thought, where did that name come from?
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) March 27, 2020
Wendig’s own research took him to his dogs and son. Their theory? The name came from the word doradito meaning “golden brown.” There is online support for that theory, but Wendig wasn’t satisfied. An unknown number of search queries took Wendig to a prototype Doritos bag with subtle (obvious, to Wendig) clues to Doritos’ origin story.
After a little sluething — sluething? sloothing? fuck, whatever — after a little INVESTIGATION online I found an early prototype bag for Doritos from the late 1930s and at first it was like, okay, it’s a bag so what pic.twitter.com/p770SagYZC
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) March 27, 2020
We Should Have Known All Along
A deep dive into the history and mystery of that graphic in the middle of the prototype bag drew Wendig to the now obvious right-in-front-of-our-eyes-the-whole-time conclusion:
…it is an ancient Sumerian sigil indicating a passageway between worlds, a doorway to an interstitial purgatorial plane where souls are trafficked like coins and sometimes baked into breads to feed demons.
Breaking it down, it goes like this. “Doritos” is a truncation of “Door-Intos,” itself a contraction of the phrase “door into the voids” which is obviously a precis of:
Their nacho corn chips are baked with human souls, they are a product of the eternal void, their crunch is the sound of ghost bones, the nacho powder is the dehydrated teeth extracted from punished sinners.
Who’s to say Wendig is wrong? Doritos has issued no express denial. So, that’s something, right? Now can someone tell us, how DID people actually decide or discover for the first time that they could eat eggs? Who was THAT GUY?
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