Welcome to The Tea, where I discuss the opinions that I’ve been simmering on, served hot.
Today’s brew: a look back on this past decade, and the things that I hope will stay there.
I won’t lie, the 2010s have been good to me. In that last 10 years I left my suburban childhood and went to the stream of frat parties that I now refer to as “college,” I began my life as a Working Adult, I lived in New York City and only cried on the subway one time (ok, maybe three times), I moved to the other side of the world, and, most importantly, I had the pleasure of watching Alexis Neiers yell at Nancy Jo Sales over her kitten heels in the best series in the world, Pretty Wild.
With all of that being said, I am not afraid to admit that this last decade has also been a dumpster fire in general. We laughed, we cried, we nodded along as Gwyneth Paltrow made up the term “conscious uncoupling” and we liked her in spite of it (or at least some of us did).
So what trends of the 2010s should be left in the 2010s? OK, I’ll spill:
10. New Streaming Services
Don’t get me wrong, I love that there’s basically a way to watch everything online now. But wasn’t cord cutting supposed to help save me money? Between Netflix, Hulu, Disney Plus, Showtime, HBO Now, YouTube Premium and everything else, watching TV costs just as much as a cable subscription. I’m waiting on someone to bundle it all up and create …. cable? Until then, I will be over here wallowing in disappointment that none of these services includes a complete archive of The Bachelor.
9. Internet Challenges
At least the ice bucket challenge was an attempt to raise money for a worthy cause. But now kids are eating Tide Pods and super gluing their lips to their faces and I just can’t.
8. Social Video Games
No, Aunt Lisa, I don’t want to play Candy Crush Saga with you.
7. Online dating becoming the only dating
Remember when we used to go up to people at bars and talk to them? Me either! But one time I did see someone at a bar and decided to make a move. That move was to wait until I saw them on Tinder a few days later and then messaged them. That’s where we are at.
6. “I’ve Started This New Podcast”
Put this one right up there with any and all references to “my brand.” After Podcast Kween Sarah Koenig brought us the Serial Podcast series in 2014, the podcasting medium was transformed. The obnoxious people who would ask their friends if they have “checked out their blog” suddenly had a podcast to go along with it (I understand the irony of writing this as a person who will probably ask their friends if they’ve read this very blog). Anyway, everyone thought they could have their own podcast, much to the detriment of my ears.
5. Miley Cyrus Twerking In Its Entirety
My vision has been blurry ever since I had to witness Miley Cyrus twerking at the VMAs with Robin Thicke to “Blurred Lines.” It’s hard to believe that this iconic moment happened in 2013, especially considering that Cyrus later put out “Malibu” and was like “Look everyone, I changed!” and expected us all to forget about that uncomfortable time period where she twerked and culturally appropriated her way through the 2010s. But guys, she’s changed!
4. Gender Reveal Parties
Hot take: Everyone thinks that gender reveal parties are the worst except for the people throwing them.
3. Taylor Swift’s Feud With Kanye West
It was in 2009 that Kanye West jumped on stage and started what we all now know as the Taylor Swift versus Kanye West feud. And somehow, 10 years later, we are still talking about it. 2019, I’mma let you finish but this is the most drawn out celebrity controversy of all time.
2. Social Media Influencers
There are some things on this list that will be controversial, but this probably won’t be one of them. Everyone can agree that social media influencers are the worst. Tag yourself, I’m the one banging my head against the wall.
1. Weird Wellness
It started with adding crystals to just about anything, then moved to putting jade eggs in places they shouldn’t be placed, there were turmeric IVs and overpriced juices. There was actually a time when the “Hollywood Hype” surrounded “The Penis Facials” (lauded by Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett) (don’t Google Penis Facials). Then we closed out this decade with butt sunning as a form of wellness, perfectly symbolizing what this decade has become. We’ve seen too much and now the only thing left to do is let the sun on in, a little too in.
The Tea is a biweekly column for Icepop Magazine by Kendall Breitman. Kendall is a recovering political reporter who has covered current events for MSNBC, Bloomberg and Politico. She was not wearing six inch Louboutin heels with her tweed skirt, she wore four inch little brown Bebe shoes ($29).
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